In a recent conversation with a younger female family member, we delved into the challenges of making hard choices in today’s tough economy. We discussed the pressures of seasonal fashion trends and the constant urge to keep up with external expectations.
As I listened, I couldn’t help but empathize, remembering my twenty-year-old self facing similar challenges. Now, in my forties, I’ve developed a different mindset: focusing on building a timeless wardrobe rather than chasing fleeting trends.
The Hidden Cost of Approval-Seeking
Our discussion led to a profound realization of the motivations behind our shopping habits and lifestyle choices. When asked why we often spend beyond our means and allow strangers to occupy our mental space, my family member’s response was illuminating:
> “I guess to be liked.”
This simple statement opened the door to a deeper exploration of our need for approval and support.
Formula for Authenticity:
Act in good faith + Trust in yourself = Genuine connections
Redefining Support and Self-Worth
We often equate being liked with receiving support. However, it’s crucial to:
1. Articulate the specific kind of support you desire
2. Assess whether it’s attainable through authentic means
The Foundation of Healthy Relationships
Rule of Thumb: Act in Good Faith
Trust that what you need will come your way naturally. Instead of trying to control or manipulate situations or responses from others:
- Trust others to make their own decisions
- Allow people to form their own conclusions without your input
- Focus on developing your behavior and character
Formula for Personal Growth:
Quality character + Consistent self-improvement = Flourishing relationships
The Pitfall of Micro-Narcissism
Many of us unknowingly try to control narratives, creating micro-doses of narcissistic behavior. This approach often leads to:
- Emotional debt
- Financial strain
- Strained relationships
- Spiritual disconnection
Why Do We Dress Well?
Is it really to be liked?
Why do we want people to like us?
Is it for support?
If that’s true, ask yourself if that’s the kind of support you need.
Take the weight off your shoulders by making practical decisions, not ones driven by the desire to please others.
Let Go of Control
Allow the people in your life to come to their own conclusions about things and situations.
You’ll see, from this perspective, you’ll make the same decisions but without the pressure.
By trusting yourself in decision-making, you’ll notice that a lot of your anxiety will begin to melt away.
Trust Is an Inside Job
As I’ve shared before (and will elaborate on in the coming weeks), trust is built internally.
It’s an inside job.
Confidence is built on the foundation of trust.
Ask yourself: How can you develop the muscle of trust within yourself?
Key Questions for Building Trust
- What are the characteristics that exhibit trust?
- How is trust expressed and portrayed in your life?
- Where do you operate from ego (negativity) instead of confidence (positivity)?
Remember, kindness is a choice.
And that starts with being kind to yourself.
Warmly, Esther
