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It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote.

Not because I didn’t want to share, but because—if I’m being honest—I didn’t know what to say.

Lately, I’ve found myself in a place of deep uncertainty. I’m facing challenges that feel far beyond my control. Some of them have nothing to do with me, yet they’re shaping everything around me. And emotionally, I’ve caught myself thinking: Am I really here again?

Will life ever feel consistent?
Will all the pieces ever come together?
Will there ever be solid ground beneath me?

I’m someone who thrives on structure. On systems. On the comfort of knowing what’s coming next. I’ve spent years building frameworks—mentally, spiritually, physically—to call in what I need and organize life to meet me halfway. I’ve learned how to manifest. I know how to direct energy. I’ve practiced the art of vision and intention.

But the truth?

Right now… I don’t even know what to ask for.

I don’t know what to manifest because I’m not sure what I want.
I don’t know what’s next, because I can’t see the path clearly enough to take a step.

And that’s been the hardest part.

Most mornings, it’s a challenge to get out of bed. Not because I don’t have things to do—but because I don’t feel connected to what’s ahead.

There’s a quiet fear running underneath everything:
A fear of losing what I’ve worked so hard to build.
A fear that maybe, just maybe, none of this is going to hold.

But here’s what I’m learning:

Even when I don’t know the details…
Even when the direction isn’t clear…
I can choose one thing:

That’s been my anchor lately.

I can’t demand clarity before it’s ready to arrive.
I can’t rush the pieces into place.
But I can return to myself and ask:

• What would make me feel better right now?
• What brings me a sense of safety or calm?
• What’s one thing I can do to soften the fear, just a little?

That might sound simple, but it’s where everything begins.

It’s what emotional regulation really is:
Not controlling the world around me, but creating a sense of stability within me.

When I focus on that—on the way I want to feel, rather than what I want to do or achieve—
something softens.
Something opens.
And slowly, a little clarity returns.

So if you’re also in a season of fog, uncertainty, or pause—
I see you.

You don’t have to have all the answers.
You don’t have to know the next step.
But you can come home to your feelings.

You can choose softness.
You can choose presence.
You can choose to rebuild from the inside out.

Gentle Reminders if You're Here Too:

• You don’t need a full plan. You just need a focal point.
• Focus on how you want to feel—not what you’re supposed to do.
• Regulate your nervous system before reaching for clarity.
• Trust that answers come when safety returns to the body.
• Your only job is to care for the part of you that’s scared right now.

The rest will unfold in time.
It always does.

I’m right here with you.

🕊️
Esther